Another Office Supply Store Bargain (June 1997)

I was at the office supply store the other day and noticed a display of discontinued office chairs up near the front of the store. I sat down in a few of those sleek 5-wheeled babies and drove them around the checkout area for a while. They go pretty fast on a tile floor. Whooshing in reverse (the easiest way to self-propel) I zoomed around in tasteful figure 8s, turning, rotating, and going up and down with the airlift. I live for thrills. I quit when I accidentally set off the electric eye on the exit door. My luck some other shopper would think I was attempting to make a quick get-away without paying for the chair. (Yeah, like Iíd roll right out of the store, grab onto the bumper of a passing car and never be heard from again.)

I went to the back of the store where I could test drive the other models. I found one of those weird looking kneeling chairs thatís supposed to be so good for your back because you canít lean back. Makes you sit up nice and straight. Anyway, it was on sale so I bought it. I rationalized my purchase by reminding myself that my office staff grew to four (including me) about a month ago and two of them have no place to sit yet.

Pig that I am, the new chair slid under MY desk and passed my old chair on down. This may not have been the best idea. In order to get on the thing you approach it as you would a horse, from the left. As far as I can figure out, you have to hang on to part of it, swing your right leg up and over and straddle it. The chair did not come with a saddle horn to grab onto during this maneuver, which makes it fairly difficult for decrepit quilters such as myself to ďmountĒ the chair without paying close attention. Once in the straddle position, plopping the rest of the way down (as is my habit on conventional sitting devices) is not advised. I have discovered that one slight miscalculation to the left or to the right and my trusty steed will buck. Not only is the saddle horn missing, but so are the reins. Had my desk not been within reach I would have toppled for sure and been wearing my new chair on my head.

Scooting from place to place is more difficult in the office than it was at OfficeMax because of the carpeting, something they probably didnít install in the furniture department for a reason. Once my legs are in the reverent and kneeling position, the only contact I have with the floor is my toes. Thankfully I have big feet, otherwise I might just as well remove the wheels and nail the chair to the floor. Locomotion by toe power is definitely a skill requiring much practice before great speeds are attained. Every time I move the chair I hear the Fred Flintstone ballerina music. Giddy-Up, Twinkle Toes!

Aside from the fact that I donít see how I can possibly machine quilt with it, and the damp knee sensation when I get out of it, I might just get used to the chair. Iíll keep you posted. (But it was such a bargain!) (c)1997 by Ami Simms