Warning: this is an OLD newsletter. Time marches on; things change. Information may be outdated, irrelevant, misleading or incorrect. (That means links, which are down at the bottom, may not work either. Unless it sends you to a porno site I won't fix it so don't tell me.) To get on the list to receive the next current newsletter, hit the BACK arrow on your browser and enter your e-mail address in the box on the previous page. You'll get the next issue. If you absolutely can't figure it out then e-mail me. It's free! What are you waiting for?


The Ami Simms Newsletter
April 1, 2002

WELCOME
It's wonderful to be in your mailbox again. Thanks for being on the newsletter list. There are over 21,254 pairs of eyes reading this newsletter. If you divide by half, that's a lot of people!

Enjoy reading my newsletter? Please pass it on to a friend. If you're the friend, please go HERE and sign up to receive your very own copy. It's absolutely free. Double your money back if you're not completely satisfied.

But wait! There's more! Actually, there isn't. I just wanted to say that.

AND NO, I DON'T!
Your e-mail address is safe with me. I don't sell e-mail addresses, mailing addresses, phone numbers, shoe sizes, or any other information I might be privy to in the course of sending you this newsletter, administering the web page prizes, or selling you "quilty" merchandise on or off line. I don't give them away either.

Believe me, nobody hates junk email more than I do, especially when they bug me to gamble on line, buy pharmaceuticals I don't need, enlarge body parts I don't have, or help Nigerian government officials transfer funds into my bank account. Yeah, right. (Who believes that story!)

SPEAKING OF SPAM
If you like to send e-mails to multiple addresses, put all the recipient's addresses in the BCC (Blind Carbon Copy) section of your e-mail. AOL users can simply put parenthesis around all the names, like this: (AmiSimms@aol.com, BettyBinder@shopdrop.com, CathyQuilter@needle.net)

First of all, it makes everyone feel special. They won't see the e-mail addresses of your 400 closest friends. They'll think you're writing just to them.

Second, your friends won't have to scroll down 67 inches of boring e-mail addresses before they get to the good stuff.

Thirdly, should any of your friend's computers be infected with a virus, it won't be able to find and try to infect every e-mail address in your e-mail.

Fourthly, should your friends forward YOUR e-mail to 400 of THEIR closest friends and should one of THOSE friends of a friend be looking for a "marketing opportunity" they will not be able to SPAM all 800 of your former friends.

Lastly, it's a kinder, gentler way to send e-mail.

TWISTED SISTERS UPDATE
It's a done deal. The quilts are finished and gorgeous. The templates are accurate to tolerances of less than an eyelash. The pattern is being printed as I type, and I'm expecting all the pieces to come together in one beautiful 9" x 12" zip lock baggie by April 15th.

What does that mean? Sometime between now and April 15th I'm going to send you a SPECIAL EDITION of the newsletter. Watch for it.

WIN COOL STUFF
This month's prize is a terrific assortment of skin care products from Jamark Labs. Quilters will especially enjoy the two 4 oz. and one 1.7 oz. containers of Surgeon's Skin Secret (two regular non-scented and the other their new lavender scent), plus two tubes of RemedermisAV Lotion with aloe, Quret Drawing Salve (soothing ointment for cuts and skin irritations), Benson's Bottom Paint (for diaper rash-that'll teach you to sit too long at the machine), and two tubes of Surgeons Skin Secret lip balm- my favorite! Pop one in your purse for your lips and the other in your sewing basket for that underneath finger after you hand quilt. The retail value of this prize is $66.71 and that's not including the basket!

To enter, and hopefully win these great products, visit WIN COOL STUFF. While you're there, check to see if you're the lucky winner of the 10 yards of Robert Kaufman fabric.

QUILT AUCTION
There's a fantastic quilt on the auction block at http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=854942843 with proceeds going to Leader Dogs For The Blind. Please take a peek and if you can help support this great cause, bid generously.

MY WASHER FINALLY DIED
After 20+ years of service our trusty washing machine finally bit the dust. She passed quietly one evening as she neared the end of her spin cycle. The duct tape and bailing wire finally gave up and she just shorted out.

Before her motor was cool we were twisting knobs and flipping lids at Sears looking for her replacement. I was hatching a plan to euthanize the dryer so I could take home a matched set when I saw the prices. They were so much less expensive 20 years ago!

They were also a lot smaller. Three pair of jeans and a sock was about all I could load into my washer. And if the jeans weren't evenly distributed (once for the wash, and again for the rinse) she'd thump and rock and agitate herself across the floor all the way to the basement steps. If I wanted to add fabric softener, well, I just had better remember to do that myself.

Not so these new washers. They're humongous. After three weeks I've almost have enough for my second load. And I picked out the smallest washer they had: EXTRA LARGE. No kidding. The smallest one you can buy at Sears is an EXTRA LARGE. What moron dreamed that up?

I think these new bigger washers are dangerous. Extending my arms all the way I have a wingspan of almost 6 feet. You'd think I could lean over and touch the bottom of the washer. Na-uh. It's so big I have to pick out the last sock with a bent coathanger. That's probably why they made the agitator thing in the middle so wide. It's the only thing keeping me from falling in head first. I'm serious. My arms are like sticks and I can't seem to grab onto the stuff at the bottom without banging my arm three times on the way up. I'm bruised from fingertip to armpit.

Then there are the knobs. Why all of a sudden do washing machines have to have the same controls as a 747? You need a pilot's license to operate one. On some of those higher priced models there are 14 selections for water temperature alone. Then there's water level, swishing speed, extra rinse options, and timed cycle settings. They even have compartments for bleach and fabric softeners.

One machine had a liquid detergent dispenser on the inside of the lid. Fill that baby up to the top with Tide and you'd need a crow bar to open the lid. And if it accidentally closed on you while you're rummaging around at the bottom retrieving your clothes you could be trapped for days, butt up in the air, legs flailing. That would keep ME from doing laundry ever again!

While washers have come a long way, so have the delivery techniques. The last major appliance we had delivered came three days late and was guided down the stairs on a huge dolly with straps, buckles, and two burley deliverymen who smelled bad. As it glided down the last four steps on it's own power (without the dolly) they tried to tell me that was part of the plan. Oh yeah.

Our new washer was delivered by two normal looking kids. They each slung a strap under the old washer and over their shoulder and walked it up and out to the curb. The new once came in the same way. They didn't drive over the cat or bump the walls and they were excruciatingly polite. Neither of them gagged when 20 years of lint was revealed during the washer swap and they made sure the washer worked before they left. I got a reminder call before they came and a follow up call after they left. It was too easy.

As pleasant as that was, my washer has taken some getting used to. True, it does do a nice job on the clothes, it hasn't eaten any socks yet, it doesn't hardly tangle fabric when I pre-wash, and the warning bell telling me I left my thimble in the pocket of my blue jeans is a nice touch. I'm washing half as often because it's so huge, but it's taking just as long because I have to read all the directions each time. In an attempt to simplify things I've begun re-labeling the control panel so that it's more quilter friendly. Take a Click look.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN
I'm off to Ohio at the end of the month for a visit with the Remembrance Quilters in Springfield. (Honk at every white Venture you see between here and there just in case it's me.) If you miss me in Springfield, I'll be heading down to Somerset, OH afterwards for a lecture with the Ohio State University Extension in Perry County. I'll be bringing a carload of quilts for your giggling pleasure for my "How NOT To Make A Prize-Winning Quilt" lecture. Any great quilt shops along the way?

CYBER QUILT SHOW
Karen West's fantastic photo-quilt is up at I believe this may just be the largest photo-quilt I've ever seen! Judith Meahl has made a reversible one. What a great idea!

Annette Jost has made a darling Sweet Dreams quilt and Debbie Voigt shares a lovely story about how she put her Hugs & Kisses quilt to good use. (Click QUILTS) Both of these quilts, by the way, were made with Picture Play Quilts. (Click AMI'S BOOKS.)

I also got several donations from quilters making the Puppus Doggus quilts. (The Puppus Doggus pattern has been moved on the web page to it's new home under Ami's Adventures in case you were wondering AND, I have Nancy Dornette's adorable Puppus Doggus quilt for you to see at QUILTS, then click CHARITY QUILTS.

OTHER ADDITIONS
There are a bunch of new additions to the WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! page, including some from my nephew, Jack. The most recent additions are at the top.

Mary sent in a picture of her stash (click SHOW ME YOUR STASH) and Terry Keene found another "quilty" floor at Disney World and shares it on the Watch Your Step page.

TWO GROUPS NEED YOUR HELP
If you want to pick up a needle, there are two groups this month that could use your help. First is the Lapeer (Michigan) Area Children's Grief Camp, a camp each year for children who have lost a parent. Dr. Barbara Mercer, quilter, physician, and all around good egg, thought it would be nice to have each child also go home with a lap size quilt that could be personalized with the name of the loved one, too. Camp dates are June 21-23. Please contact Barbara at quiltindoc@yahoo.com for more details.

Second is a plea from Tricia Knox to help make lap quilts for the families of each and every firefighter lost on 9-11. She has started a project called Firehouse Quilts, part of the Adopt A Firehouse Program, and says there are over 100 fire fighters yet to remember in this very special way. For more information, contact Tricia Knox at patk@missingfabrics.com.

CHANGING YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS
It's easy as 1, 2......or 3! 1. Using your "old" email address, send an email to Ami-Simms-Newsletter-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com. Type REMOVE in the body.

2. Using your "new" email address, go to and sign up with your "new" email address.

3. Or, if that's just too confusing, send me an e-mail at AmiSimms@aol.com and put this in the body of your e-mail.

NEW Address: SweetQuilter@pieces.com
OLD address: SweetQuilter3456@zigzag.com

(Obviously, it would be an excellent idea to put YOUR old and new e-mail address where I've invented these.)

UNTIL NEXT TIME
I hope the Easter bunny was good to you and that spring has come to your neck of the woods. Our snow is long gone (I hope) and the crocuses are starting to peek out of the ground. Have a great quilting day!
Ami Simms
amisimms@aol.com

AL HYPERLINKS
Go from "forwarded" to "official."
WIN Cool Stuff.
Jamark Labs
Ami's secret to smooth skin
Did you win?
Quilt Auction.
Ami's washer modifications.
Karen West's photo-quilt.
Judith Meahl's reversible photo-quilt.
Anette Jost's quilt.
Debbie Voigt's Hugs & Kisses quilt.
Picture Play Quilts
Puppus Doggus Pattern.
Nancy Dornette's Puppus Doggus quilt.
What Were They Thinking Additions.
Mary's Stash
Watch Your Step E-mail href="mailto:quiltindoc@yahoo.com?subject=Grief_Quilts">quiltindoc@yahoo.com to make a grief quilt. E-mail patk@missingfabrics.com to make a Firehouse Quilt.

REMOVAL INSTRUCTIONS
Getting this newsletter and don't want it? Send an e-mail to: Ami-Simms-Newsletter-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com. Type REMOVE in the body.