August 2009

The Ami Simms Newsletter
April 2009
Copyright by Ami Simms
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

WELCOME
Life is a bowl of cherries, or to quote Mary Engelbreit, "Life is a chair of bowlies." Steve came home with five pounds of cherries yesterday. They must have been on sale. That's still a lot of cherries for two people. I'm doing my best, however, munching on "Dark Sweet" and Rainiers. My favorite? Whichever happens to be in my mouth when you ask.


MY ODD LITTLE BOOK
I bet that 25% of people who buy How NOT To Make A Prize-Winning Quilt buy it again a second time. That's truly an odd statistic, but that's what people tell me. Lots of people. They originally buy the book for themselves, give it to a friend to read, and never get it back! Of all the quilting books I've ever heard of my little acid green tome is the one most often read aloud on bus trips to Paducah. I'm just telling you what an honor that is---both the buying the book two times and the public readings.

How NOT To Make A Prize-Winning Quilt is the only book I've written that I periodically re-read. I'm pretty much done with the others as soon as they're published. I already know "how to" whatever the books were about and I don't need to read them again. But I do read the little funny book, because it still makes me laugh. I probably shouldn't admit that, but it's true. I have even giggled out loud. Pathetic.

Since everybody needs a laugh or two, I've cooked up a special deal, but you need to act quickly. Until midnight on Monday (August 3rd) get TWO copies of How NOT To Make A Prize-Winning Quilt for the price of one. (Notice the built-in "loaner" book you can actually GIVE away from the start?)

I'll autograph books this time and I'll inscribe them, too. First names only, please. If you want it dated you have to say so in the comment section because I normally don't do that.

AND, I'll give you a free pattern. I'll email you the pattern for my Sinking Sailboat quilt. You have my permission to print it off so that you and your friend can each make my funniest quilt ever.

But wait, there's more! (I love saying that.) There's a little gift I mention in the back of the book that you can send away for, except that you have to send in a self-addressed stamped envelope. If you're one of the first 100 people who order, I'm going to save you the trouble, and the $.44 in postage each way. You AND the recipient of the "extra" book each get the little gift with the book. (You just can't send away for a second one because there probably won't be any more!)

Deal? Stop reading the newsletter now and go HERE to order so you don't miss out.


NOW THAT YOU'RE BACK, ARE YOU READING MY BLOG?
If not, you missed Madison celebrating his birthday, a very cool way to vote on Viewer's Choice, and my new airline security game show idea.


DO YOU WANT TO BE READING MY BLOG?
That's where all the fun stories are, with pictures. It's free and can be delivered right to your email box as soon as I write it. Go HERE and type in your email address, decipher the wonky letters, and confirm the resulting return email and your IN!

Or, just hit reply and type in BLOG subject line or in the body of the email and I'll do it for you. All you'll have to do is confirm the email. Free. Painless. Funny. What are you waiting for?


THE WORST QUILT IN THE WORLD CONTEST®
This was a real contest I dreamed up to promote How NOT To Make A Prize-Winning Quilt. There were great prizes for those who truly made the most vile quilts, and for everyone else a gleam of sunshine when they discovered there was a quilter out there even worse than they were. Win-win. No it isn't on-going, but it's still funny. Very funny. With pictures. Here's a sample:

Judges were truly impressed by this Thanksgiving opus gone awry. The Sedalia, MO entrant gained points when judges noted that the entire quilt was stuffed with used bread wrappers. The innovative batting choice was complimented by chunks of novelty turkey fabric slapped to the front of the quilt and affixed with horrid machine stitches. Said one judge, "Not only is it ugly to look at, it feels bad when you touch it too. We are always looking for multi-sensory expression. Too bad she didn't think of putting a fart machine inside."

There's more were that came from.


NEWS & REVIEWS
My reviews of cool quilting books and things are over at FindAQuiltTeacher.com. Click here to read about Applique Outside The Lines by Becky Goldsmith and Linda Jenkins.


FIND A QUILT TEACHER.COM
While you're there, as the name implies, this is the place to find quilt teachers for your guild. If you're a teacher, your face should be on this web page. If you're a Program Chairperson, you should be getting the skinny on all the teachers. Sign up now and receive a free pattern.


AAQI AUGUST AUCTION IS UNDERWAY
The Alzheimer's Art Quilt Initiative's Slow & Silent Quilt Auction for the month of August is now underway. Don't miss the quilts that do good deeds. All profits from the auction are used to fund research. Please make a bid today (and another one tomorrow).


AAQI UPDATE
Did you know the AAQI has just funded its second $10,000 research grant? Or that we've received our 4,000th donated quilt, or that we are almost at the $300,000 mark for money raised? Did you know there is a new exhibit in the works and you can be a part of it? Did you know that we want to bring 1,000 quilts to International Quilt Festival? And we'll be tweeting as the quilts sell? Did you know AAAI is on Facebook? That the show will be in Arizona this month? That I was on TV in Maine?

Sign up so you'll get the next AAQI Update delivered to you.

Or just watch me on TV!


1000 QUILTS
We haven't made our goal yet. I'd like to bring 1,000 quilts to sell at International Quilt Festival in Houston, TX in mid-October and so far we only have about 600. Can you help? Just one little quilt? By September 1st?

Start here. And since this is an on-going project, don't let the deadline stop you.


ON THE ROAD AGAIN
Join me in Prescott, Arizona on August 15 for my lecture at the Mountain Top Quilters Show. I'll be speaking about the Alzheimer's: Forgetting Piece by Piece exhibit which they will be hosting that weekend. After the show I'll be presenting another lecture and a workshop for their guild.

There are still a few places in my workshops August 25th near Kalamazoo. More information.

I'll also be visiting Midland, Michigan and St Charles, Illinois before heading off to the International Quilt Festival in Houston, Texas to hawk quilts for the AAQI. Check out my teaching schedule.


CYBER SHARING
Hilary Neumann is watching her step.

There are two additions to the What Were They Thinking page.

Dottie Soelke made two Twisted Sisters quilts.

Debbie Voight made another Picture Play Quilt.


FUNNY TRAVEL RELATED VIDEO
You may just want to sing along. Click here.


LUCKY DOG PHOTO CONTEST WINNER ANNOUNCED
See who won, enter to win, and support the nice folks at It's A Dog Thang.com.


SHARING THIS NEWSLETTER
Please do. Forward the ENTIRE thing to all your friends and even some of your enemies. Everybody enjoys a laugh or two. Please do NOT forward just part of it. Somehow my name gets dropped off when these things float through cyberspace and since I’m writing them for free, I should at least get credit for writing them. If you write a guild newsletter (real paper or online) and would like to “reprint” a particular part of the newsletter you must ask first. Here’s how.


UNTIL SEPTEMBER,
Thank you for reading my newsletter! I'll see you again in September,

Ami Simms
AmiSimms@aol.com