January 2004

Warning: this is an OLD newsletter. Time marches on; things change. Information may be outdated, irrelevant, misleading or incorrect. (That means links, which are down at the bottom, may not work either. Unless it sends you to a porno site I won't fix it so don't tell me.) To get on the list to receive the next current newsletter, hit the BACK arrow on your browser and enter your e-mail address in the box on the previous page. You'll get the next issue. If you absolutely can't figure it out then e-mail me. It's free! What are you waiting for?

The Ami Simms Newsletter
© January 2004

Are you ready for another year of this nonsense? Me too! Thanks for double-clicking. It's always nice to get let out of your mailbox. Instructions for removing me from your mailbox permanently are at the bottom of this newsletter.

It's time for New Year resolutions. That'll suck the happiness right out of surviving 2003. Introspection can be so depressing. Let me help. I've made a list. I think you should resolve to:

1. Start another project BEFORE you finish the last one. Do it. No guilt. When the muse calls, follow her. Ignore her and she may not come again.

2. Buy fabric. It's cheaper than therapy. After my untimely demise, I hope they bring in a backhoe!

3. Work only on those projects you want to work on. Some projects don't deserve the amount of energy it takes to finish them. You've learned what you're going to learn. You've grown. You're done. Move on. It's OK. There are numerous places to unload your UFOs and orphan blocks that will put them to good use. Here's an easy way out. Both Quilted Angels and Wrap Them in Love can use your leftovers, partially completed projects, fabric you don't like any more, extra batting, thread, and lots of other things. Box it up and ship it to:

7292 SE Mulberry Drive
Hobe Sound, FL 33455
Web page:


Ellen Sime
WRAP THEM IN LOVE (Tax deductible)
401 N Olympic Ave
Arlington, WA 98223
Web page:

Don't you feel better already?

This could be dangerous. I tripped over yet another pile of "important" things: novels I've already read. And why am I saving them? Aside from being a genetic pack rat, I haven't the foggiest. I'm not going to read them again. Trip over them again, almost certainly, but read them? I think not. Out they go. I think they should live in YOUR house. See:

Kaye was sweet enough to send me a copy of the segment I taped for her PBS show, "Kaye's Quilting Friends," in December. As always it was a hoot to do. And no, I haven't watched myself yet. The only way I can do these television things is to pretend that it's just the two of us in the studio, the cameras are fake, the people behind them are just acting, and nobody will ever see the show. If I pop in the videotape now, that just spoils the whole thing. If I accidentally walk by a television set when the show airs, somehow that's different. Then, I am drawn like a moth to a flame, stare in disbelief, and sometimes have to remember to breathe. I feel suitably powerless, a victim of fate. Usually enough time has passed between the taping and the airing, that I forget the connection. It's kind of like watching somebody else who happens to look a lot like me. If I ever remembered what I said during the filming, it would be like déjà vu, but so far that hasn't happened. Think "out of body" experience.

Now, if YOU would like to watch the show, I can help. Kaye's Quilting Friends is aired by viewer request. Ask and maybe you shall receive. Go to

When you get there type in your zip code. Email the station and say: "I want to watch Kaye's Quilting Friends---1600 Series. Will you be airing that? If so, when?" Send a copy to all the stations. (Your first good deed of 2004.)

Want a copy of the tape for your very own? Legal, not bootlegged. Email me. AmiSimms@aol.com

And, no. I'm not going to tell you the subject of the segment. It's a surprise.

This one is truly wonderful. It's perfect any time, but especially now after all that serious unwrapping. I learned about it from Charlotte Angotti. Enjoy:

You keep sending me such wonderful ideas! Here's some more:

Nancy suggests I take a tip from the Mayans. These ancient peoples of Mexico used a 52-year cycle. Every 52 years they started over. She says, "As a teenager on my second time around, I'm having a ball!"

Linda Kelly Armour shared a story of a wonderful celebration: The wife of a college friend had the most perfect idea for his 50th birthday. Months in advance, she secretly invited 50 (or more) of his friends to do a good deed in his honor. Then each friend was to send a postcard to her detailing the good deed. The postcards went into an album that was presented to him on his 50th. How wonderful it must have been to read about all those deeds done in his name. Deeds could be as simple as a one-time event for a non-profit group, or extended commitments to whatever group or organization the giver wanted.

Beverly Woolsey corrected me. We're not 50 --- we're 39, with shipping and handling!

The following people donated a block or a buck (or both) after using my "almost free" Puppus Doggus block pattern: Sarah Long.

There are seven items to bid on this month. All proceeds go to either Leader Dogs for the Blind or Paws with a Cause. Please bid generously at:

Have you agreed to work on a charity quilt for me? You had 30 days. Time's up. Give me a progress report or send back the pieces. No guilt. Use a fake name if you want.

The changes aren't major, but I was just trying to organize the patterns a little better. There are now two news sections: FREE patterns, and SALE patterns. See them at: And then scroll to the bottom.

Uncle Bud sent me a video clip of our family's entry to America's Funniest Videos for the web page. It happened when I was down there at Thanksgiving. Let me set it up for you. My cousin Niki is the one with the bird on her head…Well, you'll just have to watch it to believe it. Go to the last link in the first paragraph at:

Have you ever heard of a stapler that doesn't use staples? This is so slick. It's called a Staple-Free Stapler. Sounds funny, but it's a blast to use. It actually punches a little oval hole in the papers and a little slit beside it. Somehow it takes the paper that was in the hole and pushes it through the slit. Slick as a whistle. It can "staple" up to five pieces of paper. Comes in gray, green, white, and orange. See:

I think I've found it: the most fun tape measure on the planet. The outside looks like a cow. You pull the cow's tail and out comes the tape measure! It's retractable, too. See:

How about a little something for the side of your computer monitor that holds important messages? I found the cutest little suction cup + clip combination. If the outside of your monitor is too lumpy, it comes with a small circle of adhesive to put inside the suction cup to keep it in place. How fun is that? See

Look for Surgeons Skin Secret under Gifts and Notions on the web site. This is the best remedy for chapped hands that I've found. See:

"Hold The Anchovies" is now a stand-alone pattern. You don't have to buy the magazine in which it originally appeared to make the quilt. It's also free with either of the two kits (blue, or purple). See:

How about a vanity license plate that says QUILT? See:

And finally, an addition to the American Pie pattern page. I totally forgot BANANA. Yes, in addition to Banana Cream, you can make a "regular" Banana pie, with sliced bananas on top. Then I also got silly and made a Cow Pie. See ALL the options at:

As you know from the last newsletter, the final installment of the Dog-Yeared Mystery Quilt will be delayed until February 1st. That was for my own sanity. Thank you again for understanding. That also means you have just one more month to subscribe to the series. See:

Something new and exciting has happened to quilt patterns! They're on CDs! Me and My Sister Designs () have put three great patterns on three CDs and (do the math) you'll get all 9 patterns if you're the lucky winner this month. You'll be able to print off the pages you need on your personal PC with full color graphics and easy-to-follow instructions. Retail value for the 3-CD set is $38.97. There will be four lucky winners this month! Go ahead and enter at:

They're called Omnigrab. No they're not. I goofed. They're called OMNIGRIP. Grab? Grip? Whatever they're called, they're wonderful! Please excuse my error.

Arja van den Bos from Hilversum, in the Netherlands shares two photos from Pompeii on the Watch Your Step page: and

Sonya DeMonner's Sunshine Quilt:

Jan Munson's Sweet Dreams quilt:

Kathy Harvey's Twisted Sisters quilt:

Yoshimi Kojima's Twisted Sisters quilt:

Helen Barlow's Photo-Quilt:

There's a new Worst Quilt Wannabe at:

There are three entries this time around. Check out the new wheelchair parking rules and that sign at McDonalds we've all seen. Those are on the web page at:

The third entry is a menopausal testing kit. No kidding. As if the hot flashes weren't a Really Big Tip. If you're trying to decide if your shirt is on fire or you're menopausal, this kit might be helpful. Enter to win a free kit and try some creative writing while you're at it. Go to:

For an amazing (and possibly true?) story, see . The farther along you read, the funnier it gets.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, please forward it to all your friends. All I ask is that you forward the WHOLE thing, including the copyright citation at the top and the removal instructions at the bottom.

Here's wishing you a joyous, peaceful, PIECEful, and safe new year.
See you around the block,
Ami Simms

Quilting Angels
Wrap Them In Love
Better YOUR house than MINE
Email your PBS Station
Idiotic Yet Delightful Web Page
Quilt Auction
Scroll down for Free Patterns/Sale Patterns
Funny Video
Staple-Free Staplers
Fun Tape Measures
Suction Memo Holder
Chapped Hands Remedy
Hold The Anchovies
QUILT license plates
Cow Pie
Dog-Yeared Mystery
Win Cool Stuff
Pompeii Floor #1
Pompeii Floor #2
Sonya DeMonner's PPQ
Jan Munson's Sweet Dreams quilt
Kathy Harvey's Twisted Sisters quilt
Yoshimi Kojima's Twisted Sisters quilt
Helen Barlow's photo-quilt
Worst Quilt Wannabe
Enter to Win Menopause Testing Kit
Motorcyles & Squirrels

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