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The Ami Simms Newsletter
December 2000

WELCOME
Hello! I'm glad to be in your mailbox again. Please pass this along to whomever you think might enjoy it and be sure to tell them where you got it: the totally FREE, once-a-month giggle from Ami Simms. If they want to get their own copy, all they have to do is e-mail amisimms@aol.com and I'll be happy to put them on the list. Or, they can go directly to www.egroups.com and sign up for the Ami-Simms-Newsletter themselves.

CHAT
Join me for the last AOL chat of the year on Thursday, December 28 from 9 to 10pm EST in the AOL chatroom. We can all compare what we got for Christmas. (Keyword: quilters and then follow the prompts to the PROFESSIONAL chat room.) Afterwards, from about 10 to 11, I'll wander over to our very own chat room at www.eGroups.com where everyone who has signed up for this newsletter can come to chat. You're ALL invited. (Scroll down the navigation bar until you see CHAT.) No experience necessary. Come in for some cookies and eggnog.

CORRECTION
Let me correct a mistake from the last newsletter. The Quilter's Jewels Cinch Hoops and the Im~Press~Able Quilt Patis (I believe I called them an "acrylic quilting hoop with a bungee cord" and "iron-able template material dye cut to size for you to make Grandmother's Flower Garden pieces") are actually made out of Polycarbonate, not Acrylic. I got my plastics mixed up. Polycarbonate is much stronger than Acrylic. It is the plastic that makes Kevlar that is used in bulletproof vests. And, I knew that! I watched Pati's mom toss one of the hoops on a cement floor and bounce it back into her hand---and it came back all in one piece, I might add. Very impressive. (Sorry for the incorrect information.)

LAST MINUTE HOLIDAY GIFT IDEAS
Christmas Carol CD
My friend Jenny Booth, wife of computer expert Jim you've read about here before, is not only a budding quilter, but an accomplished pianist. For the second year in a row she has recorded her own CD of Christmas music---and it's WONDERFUL. You get an absolutely beautiful CD of Christmas music (14 of the best-loved carols), you get to help a budding quilter/musician/entrepreneur, AND $1.00 from each sale goes to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. What could be better?! Jenny's CDs are only $12 and that includes shipping, and sales tax. Make your checks made payable to: Beautiful Music and send it to:
Beautiful Music
4203 Charter Oaks
Davison, MI 48423

For more information, you can e-mail Jenny at: gwishsong@aol.com.

Heifer Project International
Don't have a cow over what to get that "hard to buy for" person on your list this year. BUY ONE! Yup, you can buy a cow or a water buffalo, llama, chicken, goat, sheep, pig, rabbit, guinea pig, ducks, or an entire ARK! Point your browser over to www.heifer.org or call 1-800-422-0755 and see how your dollars can change a person's life. If gift giving is all about that warm fuzzy feeling, you'll be smiling and happy long after the tree comes down when you select something from this catalog. For an extra thrill visit this portion of their website to learn how quilts and cows go together to fed the hungry click: HERE

One Quilt One Moment
Yes, this is the title of a new book. I mentally keep adding a "Please" at the end of that title, as if I could just put you on HOLD and whip one up you, but there IS a sub-title (Quilts That Change Lives) so I guess I should just say the whole thing at once. One Quilt One Moment: Quilts That Change Lives is the latest labor of love from the nice people at Quilter's Newlsetter Magazine. They say this book "will stop you in your tracks, warm your heart, open your mind, and change the way you view the art of quiltmaking." There are 50 quilts from lots of famous quilters, including yours truly. They selected my "Oh, My Papa!" photo-quilt. Can't wait to see it.

The book will be available wherever Quilter's Newsletter is sold and should be arriving in time for Christmas. You can also order it directly from QNM at: 1-800-590-3465.

FUN THINGS TO BUY FOR YOURSELF
Buttons! Buttons! Buttons! Did I mention BUTTONS?! Ye Gads! They're everywhere! If you're in the mood to adorn your Picture Play Quilts with still more images to name and play with, then take a peek at HEREfor six different assortments of novelty buttons hand picked by yours truly, with 25 buttons per assortment. Let me grab my calculator....that's 150 different buttons! As in NO REPEATS! Order all six assortments and SAVE!

DIMES FOR DAISY
While you're sending me your SASE, throw in a dime for Daisy. I'll make sure she doesn't eat it (no small job) but I'll collect all the dimes and hand deliver them to Leader Dogs For the Blind. And YES, it's tax deductible. And, NO, it has nothing to do with the pattern. If your envelope is dime-less, I will still most happily send you one of South Sea Import's patterns. (If it does include a dime, then Daisy and I will do a little dance, high five each other, and I will let Daisy lick your envelope shut.)

SPEAKING OF DAISY
She's no longer making any attempt to hide her emails home, in fact I found this one printed out, stapled, and propped up on my keyboard with a bright orange FYI sticker on it! Smart pup.

Dear Mom,
Couple of weeks ago we went over to the house where Mr. Steve grew up. I hadn't been there yet. I got to see some of his brothers and his sister and all their little humans. We were there all day long and all my people did was eat. They stood up and ate, they sat down and ate, they walked around from room to room and ate, and they sat in front of TV and ate. Miss Ami tied my leash to her pants and I followed her around everywhere and all I got for it was my regular food. They called it Thanksgiving and I'm not thankful for nuthin---especially since Miss Ami said it was a special day and I had to have a bath before we went. Yick. Not only that, but I had to behave nearly the whole time and couldn't chase nobody or bark either.

My people are getting weird. Right after Thanksgiving they brought a dead tree in the house and...

FEED THE HUNGRY
Thanks to Smuchinsky for this great idea. You can feed a hungry person on the other side of the world from your keyboard and not spend a cent. Go http://www.thehungersite.com and click the button marked DONATE FREE FOOD. That's all there is to it. Somewhere in the world a hungry person gets a meal to eat, with absolutely no cost to you. The food is paid for by corporate sponsors willing to make this donation in exchange for having their logo displayed on this site while you click for the food. It takes just a second, but think of the good you'll do. Bookmark this site, visit every day, and pass the word. (One donation per day, per person is allowed.)

DOOR PRIZE WINNER
She was lost but now is found. Congratulations to the winner of the PPQ door prize last time around. Yes, the "correct" Julie P came forward to claim her prize from last month---the bag of scraps, fat eighths, and a mouthful of dryer lint. This month's door prize (the 58 Fat Quarters from Andover Fabrics and Makower U.K.) has just been awarded. You will need to visit www.PicturePlayQuilts.com, click WIN, click on the 58 Fat Quarters over on the right hand side to see if you are listed as the winner of that door prize. While you're there, be sure to enter for the CURRENT door prize. See below:

WIN
Moose On The Loose Fabric from Northcott StudioWin 3 yards of EACH of these great patterns from Northcott Sudio's Moose On the Loose line designed by Sharon and Andrea Reynolds. The whole NINE YARDS of conversational fabric were part of Northcott's booth draping at Quilt Market, so you might find a hem or two to remove, but what a great backing for your next couple of Picture Play Quilts!

These fabrics are just adorable! Check out the ice skates with little snowflakes on a blue background. And then are the MOOSE---skiing, sledding, snow-shoeing, skating--on beige and gold backgrounds.

Good luck! (And be sure to spell your email address correctly!)

DUMB AND DUMBER
Thanks to Smuchingksy for passing along these idiocies.

1. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up".

2. An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

3 A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

4. Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"

5. A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

6. In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. ( hellllllloooooooooo!)

and finally....

7. Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. Bayliner boat to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE.....

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

That's all for now. Have a great quilting day and enjoy your family and friends during this special time of year.

Best holiday wishes to you all,

Ami Simms
www.MalleryPress.com
ww.PicturePlayQuilts.com