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The Ami Simms Newsletter
November 2000

WELCOME
Happy Thanksgiving!! Hello again and thanks for reading. Thanks also for passing this silly thing around. You are encouraged to share it will all your friends, as long as you tell them where you got it (the Ami-Simms-Newsletter) and how to sign up to get their own (email AmiSimms@aol.com or sign up at egroups.com).

JULIE P
If your name is Julie and your last name starts with `P' please email me immediately. It's good news: you may have won the door prize! YES, the bag of scraps, fat eighths, and a mouthful of dryer lint could be yours! Why so "iffy?" Well, there might be more than ONE "Julie P" and only I know the last name of the true and official winner, something I will NOT be revealing just yet. So why am I not just e-mailing Julie directly, you ask? Been there; done that. She either changed her e-mail addy since she entered, or she entered it incorrectly. So, if you're a JULIE P, let me know. Are you all excited about entering the door prize NOW? Read on...

WIN 58 Fat Quarters
Head on over to www.PicturePlayQuilts.com and navigate over to WIN where you might just be lucky enough to have your name pulled out of the hat for almost five dozen fat quarters! Makower U.K.'s Musical Sonata line features instruments of all kinds and music notes that are perfect for your next Picture Play Quilt. You'll be humming along in no time.

The 22 FQs from the Illusion line will add stars and moons to the mix and handfuls of beautiful fabric in lovely tones for just about any quilt on your cutting table.

Andover Fabric's White Willows collection will get you ready for the winter season with snow- covered houses, trees covered in glistening ice, frozen lakes, swirling snow, and kimono-clad figures turning away from the cold winter wind. Take a look at the cover of Keepsake Quilting's Holiday Update 2000 for a close-up peek at this last collection. Two project sheets are also included for you to make quilts designed by Sue Pickering and Shirley Botsford. Enter as often as you like. Good luck!

DAISY IS AT IT AGAIN!
Well, this is beginning to get predictable. Look what I found in my email box again this month!

Dear Mom,
I'm doing great, how about you? Thanks for the advice on how to handle that "come" command, but I think I still like my way better; you know, run like crazy in the other direction grab something fun like the TV remote control and see if I can get Miss Ami to chase me. Even if she doesn't come after me, she tries the COME thing again and gives me a kibble when I show up. Now that I've figured out the drill, I drop whatever I snatched, come, grab the kibble, and take off again before she can snatch me by the collar.

Dish towels are fun, but she won't chase me for those. The remote doesn't get her to play until I start changing the channels. Quilting fabric gets her every time. Drops whatever she's doing, starts screaming like a banshee, and tears after me like I had stolen the crown jewels. She'll even play on all fours under the dining room table for fabric. Go figure. I can't imagine why she cares if I chew it up. All she's gong to do is cut it up into little pieces and then sew it back together again anyway. I know I've watched her.

So far the only thing I'm not too fond of racing off with are these things Miss Jennie and Mr. Steve play with. It looks like they'd be easy to carry and I can stick the skinny part in my mouth real easy, but for some reason I just can't run as fast with one of those in my mouth as I can with the other stuff. (To see what Daisy has in her mouth, please visit http://www.MalleryPress.com and click on PUPPY. Then follow the link to her most recent adventure.)

HOUSTON QUILT MARKET
I saw some interesting products at Market this time out. One of my favorites was an acrylic quilting hoop with a bungee cord that fits into a grove to hold everything in place. Too cool. For more information, e-mail Quiltpati@aol.com. Her Mom invented it. Pati also has iron-able template material dye cut to size for you to make Grandmother's Flower Garden pieces with English Piecing as well as the traditional, basting kind. E-mail her for this information as well.

Lorraine Torrence Designs (www.lorrainetorrence.com) has some awesome garment patterns. I fell in love with her reversible, quilted jacket that comes in two lengths. Clever gal calls it "The Long and Short of It." It's part of the "Grainline Gear" a recently acquired division of Lorraine Torrence Designs. Very wearable and "quilty" at the same time. She has lots of other super designs so take a look. Lorraine also teaches. To contact her write to: lorrainebow@sprynet.com.

The quilts this year were tremendous and a highlight of the show was seeing Hollis Chatelain's "School: It's Never Too Late To Learn" and getting a chance to meet her, too. To see this quilt, click on http://www.hollisart.com/Pages/gallery/galleryframe.html or visit her main web page at http://www.hollisart.com. What talent!!

MORE BIG HAIR
Those of you who have been reading this newsletter for a while know that I am obsessed about big hair. I want some. Follicly challenged I am not about to achieve big hair on my own, so I constantly search for styling aids that will turn my thin, limp, yet attractive head into something I can shake provocatively. Most of the time I look like I have perpetual "hat hair."

I may have found something. I saw it at the drug store, down on the bottom shelf, way in back. Daisy and I were exploring and she scooped up a huge tuft of lint. While I was on my hands and knees extricating it from her mouth, I noticed the bottle. It said "for fine, dull & limp hair." That's me, all right. The product is called "Hask Thix Elixir." Doesn't quite roll off the tongue, does it? They should just call it BIG HAIR.

Anyway, it's got the usual ingredients I can't pronounce plus aloe vera gel, arnica extract, burdock extract, white nettle extract, garlic extract, watercress extract, ivy extract, pine extract, rosemary extract and some other stuff. I just want to know how they come up with this stuff. (I thought the garlic was a nice touch.) Even after reading the list of ingredients, I tried it. (This only shows how desperate I am.)

I have never felt anything so slimy. Even dog snot doesn't come close. I tried to smooth it on my head (the elixir, not the dog snot) and both hands slipped off my head and banged into the wall behind me!

After waiting the pre-requisite amount of time I did the "style as usual." thing, and what do you know: my hair was nice and puffy! Sadly, I spoiled the effect by squirting eyeglass cleaner all over my coif instead of hair spray, but I'll do better tomorrow morning.

TELEPHONE FUN
Thanks to Leslie for sending along this one...try it. You'll like it.

1. dial 1-800-888-3999 (it's free)
2. listen to the options
3. when you hear option #7, press 7 and wait

Every company should have an option #7.

MORE LAUGHS
Smuchinsky shared this one
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I though you said I had another 40 years?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

Have a great quilting day and remember to enjoy the company of your family and friends this Thanksgiving.

Ami Simms
www.MalleryPress.com
www.PicturePlayQuilts.com
amisimms@aol.com