Removal (April 1999)

(This was written after 12 people asked to be removed from the newsletter list. I am very thin-skinned.)

If you’d like to break my heart and not receive this newsletter ever again, please type I GOOFED in the subject line. (You did, after all, go to my web page and sign up to receive it, having first had the chance to try it out by actually reading past issues before you asked to be put on the list.) While I am crushed that you have actually decided to read the words in this segment, all I ask is that you select one of the following benign excuses to put in the body of your removal email so as not to further hurt the feelings of the actual real person who writes these newsletters faithfully every month for free when she could be quilting.

Excuse #1: In anticipation of the impending Y2K disaster, I have decided to sell my home and all my possessions and move to a secluded area of my mother’s back yard to live off the land. There is no room in the tent for my computer, therefore I will have no way to receive your abundantly amusing newsletter. With sadness in my heart, I ask that you remove me from the list. I will, however be taking past issues to read in the evening as a way of calming my nerves, until the batteries in the flashlight go.

Excuse #2: I am about to enroll in a total immersion course in French. As your newsletter is not written in French, I must, regrettably ask to be removed from Zee List. Au Revoir, mon Ami.

Excuse #3: Help! My screen name and password have been compromised by a cunning and deranged individual whose dastardly deeds include signing me up for your beautifully crafted and entertaining newsletter, three purple fabric exchanges, two round robins, and a secret sister gift exchange with a grandmother in Duluth. You people are crazy! Until this mess can be straightened out, take me off the list. (c) 1999 by Ami Simms.)